Friday - February 24th, 2023 - i put 8rd on the last one

I did not do this consistently LMAO. But I was spending that time adding blinkies :) which somehow took all of last week. I’m out of blinkies now though. idk where to find them. tumblr is okay its where i get most of them but god theyre ALL and i like its cute but everyone uses the same 4 templates!!! theres like 400!!! and its just not what i’m looking for. idk. and i do a lot of this on my school ipad so my options are kinda limited. oh well.

I’m soo sick of school. I don’t even care about. School. I’m sick of my dad getting mad at ME because i have to go to school. It’s really bad about orchestra too. he shouldve shut me down way before now but no he’s just gonna get mad about having to do something he agreed on doing. literally. fuck off. it would be really funny to drop out in the last 3 months of school. But i’m not gonna do that. It’s not like i actually plan on going to college so i need… at least a high school diploma. or whatever. we actually have a car now so i could hypothetically take myself to school but my dad refused to schedule my drivers test even though i think i’m ready. he knows im a good driver but no matter how hard i try i can’t be first to do anything. i have to be dragged down to my brothers’ level and do everything at the same pace as them for no reason. so i cant take myself to school. we actually have no reason to have the car because no matter how much we drive I dont think we’re actually getting that test scheduled. maybe i’ll just do it myself and take myself. but id really only be doing that to make my dad mad and he wouldnt be. im actually terrified of driving i only want to do it because i fucking have to. i live in a huge city. like in area. it takes up a lot of space so you know everything is 200 miles away from everything else so it’s absolutely not even a little walkable. or id just walk places!! i just think id hang out with my friends more if i didnt have to ask my dad to take me. i mean…. not that i couldnt ask them to take me. but they never invite me anywhere so id have to go “hey wanna go somewhere? you drive” and thats… rude. ugh whatever.

anyway. um… blue has been here for the most part recently. i dont remember if hes been gone. he’s so pretty. we made eye contact the other day it was ……. weird. and embarrassing. but he was looking at me BEFORE i looked over at him. so i wonder if that means something. he has this fucking thing on his backpack its like. it appears to be the size of my hand. its some sort of plushie i have been obsessed with trying to subtly figure it out. yknow bc i cant just ask or something. i know people that are okay with talking to him bc they…. dont have a crush on him. lmao. so maybe ill ask one of them. its so embarrassing to be in the same room as him especially since he sits across from me. like not directly just the side of the room that faces the other way. but its so scary. im so aware of what im doing with my face.

we have solo and ensemble tomorrow. i got lucky my duet is about 8:15 and the small group is about 8:30 so i dont have to stay very long. and then next week is tech week for the musical. rehearsal is 6 to 9 on monday tuesday and wednesday. thats so annoying. like way to take up my entire time. and we’re supposed to be fed but i know damn well its gonna be stuff i dont like. he said some pasta idk if thats all 3 days or just 1. but i dont like pasta it’s texture is so gross. so thats so annoying. i hate not be able to eat certain foods it definitely reeks of picky eater but i just like consistency :( and not…. soggy. um. actually i dont have a comparison. not pasta. we’re practicing in the pit today. which is the floor we dont have a real pit. one of the other schools does but they have a shitty auditorium. i suppose thats the trade off. but they dont even do a musical… the other school that does do a musical is doing a much more fun one. i cant remember what it is though. little shop of horrors or something. idk i like cinderella but… yknow. i’m so excited to be done with it though. i want my afternoons back!!

okay. c u l8r