Monday - September 11, 2023 - day...

okay hiii today im gonna do another. throughout the day update. today was not a shower day i didnt shower. but i did wash my face, something i never do ever. it feels greasy on not shower days but i just ignore it. but today ! it feels greasy still. sad! i think the running water makes it feel nicer bc i used to just wipe it with a wet washcloth but that never lasted. idk. i went for a walk outside. in the back yard. idk. i felt pretty good for a minute. i think i despise texting. i really do its nobody elses fault but its so stressful its so bad. its the waiting i think that stresses me out. and the knowlege that theyre talking while im trying to talk also stresses me out. thats not a problem in real life. over the phone is better but connection issues make me just as frusterated. i think it simulates the feeling of being ignore or spoken over which really gets to me is the problem. ill notice myself getting angry at a conversation where nothing is actually going wrong. idk how to fix it though. i need to text or id never talk to anyone. its just frusterating. the worst version is in real life when you say "youre not even listening are you" and they dont say anything bc theyre not, that one really gets to me. i need to figure it out though ive gotta say something or im gonna snap over something easily fixable

speaking of weird frusteration my boyfriend is reading homestuck and thats also getting to me? in a bad way??? i literally have no idea what the problem is but he'll say something and then ill get all. antsy and upset and overwhelmed and then i end up saying something mean or getting upset and i dont know what it is!!! i dont know what it is and its really really bothering me because hes trying to be nice and i KNEW id be like this. this is what i need a therapist for bc most of my issues are like "well. dont" but i dont even know whats happening here. its very very annoying and i hate it so much.

im gonna clean my room now :3 okay im finished. the plans for today is to draw for sollux september, draw traditionally for me, and play some minecraft. id like to do some physical thing between these bc sitting all day makes me sleepy but we will see bc i am already sleepy. right now im gonna do my sollux september drawing. i dont think ive brought up sollux september but its exactly what it sounds like. you draw sollux every day for september. its really gotten me back into drawing and its so easy bc i dont hve to decide what to draw every day. i think im gonna do something similar next month with mlp fim. i have a couple ideas. therell be a spinner wheel for a pony, and then maybe either a spinner wheel for poses, a spinner wheel for prompt (like crystal, filly, princess ect.), or both!! we will see though. i probably will do pose though. i dont draw my potws anymore bc i can never think of a pose. g4 has so many bases though, ill scour through those. anyway! drawing time.

we interrupt my drawing for drinky drink! i got an icee :) my dad got it for me :) yayy. and my cat is in my lap. awesome.

i finished drawing and i starting scrolling through random tumblr blogs to see if anyones used any of my blinkies. no! well one person but i think most people just reblog and thats where the blinkie goes. oh well. OH 2 i just found a latula!!!! okay it was just 2 in all the reblogs. SAD! use my blinkies boy. anyway. im gonna. clean up the bathroom? idk what active thing i can do but ive been at my computer for hours i should stand up.

i did that i cleaned the bathroom. win! didnt even take me that long bc it hasnt been a year. win! i know thats a long time for it to usually be and i always consider doing it regularly but. fucking. no! im the only one who does it idk why its my job to clean the piss off the floor every week. fuck you guys!!!! ugh.

now i am gonna do a little clean up for my graphics page, i added a bunch of stamps, saved, fixed all the ones that didnt show up, and then didnt save. so gonna do that. and im gonna make the first page that shows up a flashing images warning. oh and pony of the week! WJHFKLHFSF I JUST SAW MY PONY TODAY KLFJLKAJLDJALKJFLKS. anyway. minecraft time

i got too distracted my minecraft and boyfriend to finish and upload this. whoooops